Raw, Transparent, Me

As I sit here in my parents house, at their computer, I'm contemplating what to write.  The past week until today has been a HUGE rollercoaster ride.  I can't get into specifics, but basically my grief has been brought all the way back to the beginning.  I am feeling more raw then I have before, or at least it feels that way.  It's almost like the scab was starting to form, and someone ripped it off and the wound is bleeding anew.  Last weekend, I even questioned being alive, and my life's meaning.  Thank God that I was on the phone with my mom in that moment because honestly, would I even be alive right now writing this blog? And maybe you are thinking, Jenn, stop being so dramatic.  Honestly, I wish I could wake up from this nightmare and also stop having these crazy emotions and thoughts that haunt me DAILY.  What also sucks about this journey at the moment (not like it wouldn't ever not suck) is that I am beginning to HATE crowds and I exper...

After thanksgiving, I decided to come back to the world of Facebook.  It was daunting and scary to put myself out there when I was feeling so vulnerable and weak.  I decided to go through my friends list and "clean" out those who were not walking this phase of life with me currently.  That actually felt really good, and I think Facebook has started to feel a little less daunting and more personal, if that is possible at all. So then comes Christmas and all the preparation, parties, "joyful" spirit that comes along with the holiday.  I decided to put a tree up and some decorations, even though I came close to not putting anything Christmasy in my house.  This year, it's ABSOLUTELY different.  I have to constantly remind myself that Christmas is not about me, it's not about what I don't have, it's not about presents or who has the nicest tree, but it's about Jesus.  Now friends, maybe you are thinking this is going to be another cliche post about...