Raw, Transparent, Me

Losing Emerie has rocked my world at it's core.  It has shown me that I am not exempt from suffering or death.  I have joined a club of other moms, who are also walking this life with their children in heaven.  My faith has been challenged daily, even hourly at times.  My emotions have been ALL OVER the place.  Who is this new me? Who is looking back at me?  This has been the continual journey that I have been on for the past 6, almost 7 months of life.   Lament has been a daily part of my life.  It is a form of speaking to God, crying out to him, knowing that only he holds the answers and solutions.  It is hard to be in a place of lament.  It is not your typical prayer or thought, it is a heartfelt sorrow that does not go away after you have said it.  It is something that I am learning to continually do with Job, David, and now Jeremiah as my examples.  This weekend I did read through Lamentations a few times.  Lamenta...

Dear Emerie, happy 6 months.  I wonder what milestones you would be hitting, if you would have been eating foods yet, and maybe even had some teeth? Would you still have hair, would you be holding yourself up, would you be sleeping through the night?  Who would you look like? Would you constantly smile like me? Would you enjoy bath time and story time?  How would you be?  I know that you are up in heaven, rejoicing with the Lord, but mommy and daddy miss you.  We are very selfish and wish you were here on Earth, even though we know heaven is way better.  I can't believe you've been gone that long, it felt like just yesterday we were at the hospital going through all the craziness.  I know I am still a mommy even if you aren't here on earth.  Sometimes it's hard to see myself that way because I am not doing all the typical things one would be doing with a 6 month old baby.  How would my life be now with you here? Would I be working or not? Wou...