Raw, Transparent, Me

I was heading into this holiday knowing I was going to be struggling with missing Emerie. We were invited to go to Albany, NY and I'm glad we took the invitation.  It has been nice to get away from all the noise and thoughts of being in our home city.  I know that it's not going to relieve the pain, but going on a long road-trip with my husband was nice.  It was a nice long drive to reflect and really think about what I am thankful for in life.  Before I get into that I want to be real about the struggles and emotions I was facing coming up to this holiday. Being reminded to be thankful and not selfish was so freaken difficult to hear. How can I not be selfish and want my daughter here on Earth?? Fine, I will be selfish because how can I be thankful she isn't here?? Upon conversations and reflections, it's ok to be selfish in this aspect. Maybe the thankfulness comes around missing my daughter. I'm thankful that we had her, she made us mom and dad. I'm thankfu...

So I have been back to work for the past 6 weeks.  The transition was not easy, and I continue to adjust to all the new students I have this year.  It has been a whirlwind of events and sometimes just so overwhelming.  My students have been very respectful, but have not mentioned Emerie at all.  I don't know if I like this or not.  On most days, I think I appreciate that they are watching themselves, and on low days, I wish someone would mention Emerie. My coworkers all seem to be surrounding me and supporting me as best they can.  We all have a lot of responsibilities so I do not expect people to stop what they are doing to check on me.  On most days, I appreciate this because it is easier to work and keep busy than to to sit and cry about Emerie not being here.  I have slowly begun to bond with some of the students, and it's been nice to see old students as well.  It's been an encouragement to be greeted in the hallway or be visited unexp...