Mother's Day, Not What I Expected

I first want to start off by saying thank you to my friends who sent me flowers, a card, treats, a thoughtful gift for Mother's Day.  I did not expect any of it, and I am feeling truly humbled by God's love being outpoured over me like a fragrant oil through his loving daughters.  I also want to say THANK YOU to my husband who shared beautiful thoughtful gifts with me, including a poem that I will cherish forever.  Lastly, but not least, I want to thank my family for sticking by me through this tough time and giving me space.

This leads me to my own reflection of the day.  I am a mother.  My children are not present, BUT as I watched the baby dedications something hit me.  Of course I was crying and sad because I did not get to do that with Emerie and Elie, but I soon felt a sense of peace as I was crying in the bathroom.  I know where they are! I know who they are with! They are SAFE and HEALTHY! Above everything else, they are SAVED.  I don't have to worry about their salvation or safety, and yes this truth does not take away the pain of missing them, but they are good!  So yes I am a mother, and my mothering looks nothing like the norm, but one thing I know for sure, my babies are in heaven.  I have the reassurance and peace that one day I will see them again.  Even through the pain and heavy grief, rays of peace always manage to break through the cloud.

Lastly, I want to give a shout out to my mother, who has continued to be there for us from the beginning.  I will always remember how happy she was when she saw/met Emerie for the first time, and how heartbroken she was when Emerie died.  Not only is she grieving Emerie, her first granddaughter, but she is grieving over me, her first born daughter, going through all of this.  Thank you Mother for taking a month out of your life to stay with us after everything happened, thank you for making sure we ate, thank you for dragging us to support group, and for the other numerous things you have done for us during this rough time.  Thank you God for blessing me with a mother like my mother, who unconditionally gives of herself, even when her own heart is hurting and broken.  I love you so much mom, and I know that Mother's Day is everyday, but I wanted to take the time to say it.

Blessings to anyone reading this.  I look forward to blogging more frequently after I get done with school.  Until next time.

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