The Outcast

So I've decided to begin blogging more consistently and maybe I will get somewhere with these thoughts. Anyways, so here is my first blog of the year...sadly. As my earlier posts say, I have been struggling to connect with people at the church I attend. It's been almost a year and half since joining this church, and still...still...feeling alone. I don't know what it is but maybe it is me in the end. Maybe I am too different and I am off-standish and this is preventing me from connecting with people. I recognize, I'm not perfect, but one thing I do know is that I have put myself out there. So why do you ask am I so discouraged again?? Why Jenn? Why? lol ( And yes, even I am annoyed with myself. I do not enjoy feeling this way.) Let me give you 10 reasons why I think I still have not connected. 1. I do not like country music or intend on listening to it ever. 2. I do not have a child or am pregnant. 3. I like to speak the truth. 4. I need good worship music. ( I mean spirit lead, not manufactured.) 4. I am not white. ( Yes I will throw that in there because it does contribute to connecting, unfortunately.) 5. I am a semi-feminist.(If that is even possible.) 6. I like to talk about deeper things. 7. My life does not revolve around my family (i.e. husband, children, etc.) 8. I am not happy with feeling "content". 9. "Safe" is not good enough for me. 10. I will not try to join your clique. So yea...here it is...for the blog world to know...I hope someone reads this and comments. I would highly appreciate it! Until next time blogging friends.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

The Raw, the Ugly, and the Uncomfortable

I have thought over and over again on what to blog about and it's just endless. I guess I could tell you about how angry it makes me when people try to say Emerie's death is a "good" thing because God redeems all things.  Half of that is true...but Emerie's death will never be a "good" thing.  Stop trying to find the silver lining in this cloud...there isn't any! I wish everyday that she wouldn't have died, and I still do not understand why! Or God know's best! So the best for me was Emerie's death?! WHAT! Are people even thinking when saying these things!? I know as humans we want to try and find the "best" in every situation, but you know what...sometimes there just isn't! The situation is just crap! Losing a child is crappy! Period! Then after these two statements we can talk about how I am obviously STILL struggling with major issues...like TRUSTING God.  I'll admit it! My anxiety on a daily basis is doubting t...
Read more

Emerie's Story

I'll start at the beginning. My husband and I had decided that we were nearing the time of wanting children.  It happened so quickly when we found out I was expecting.  That day was December 2nd, 2015.  It explained why I had been feeling nauseous and just generally moody (LOL).  It was so exciting tell my close friends and family because this was going to be the first grandchild for my parents and the 3rd for my husband's family.  Christmas was so exciting because that is when we broke the news and people slowly started finding out.  On January 9th, 2016, we saw and heard Emerie for the first time at our first ultrasound.  Because I had no medical history of any significance, I was considered a low risk pregnancy, and so I did not go to the doctor more than the normal times.  Hearing Emerie's heartbeat for the first time was incredible.  I cried because of how beautiful it sounded.  While pregnant, it was also my first year of teachin...
Read more

So much has changed in 2 years...Update Post

It's been 2 years since my last blogpost and SO MUCH as changed! I got a teaching job after finishing my teaching program.  I became more involved in church and met different people outside of the ABF group I was part of. My husband and I also made new friends that have become like family to us, especially in this past year.  I traveled to Northern Ireland and Ireland with my husband, and that was AMAZING! I also became pregnant last year in October with our first child.  I completed my first year of teaching this year, and then patiently awaited the arrival of our beautiful daughter Emerie. She came in August, and also left to heaven in August.  I am now here, getting ready to go back to work, empty handed in that regards. I have decided to blog what's going on in my life, especially now that my daughter is gone.  I don't know how my blog posts will look like, or if anyone will even read them, but maybe this will be a good form of therapy for myself at least....
Read more