I'll praise you...

Even When It Hurts-Hillsong UNITED
"Even When It Hurts (Praise Song)"

Take this fainted heart
Take these tainted hands
Wash me in Your love
Come like grace again

Even when my strength is lost
I'll praise You
Even when I have no song
I'll praise You
Even when it's hard to find the words
Louder then I'll sing Your praise

I will only sing Your praise
I will only sing Your praise
I will only sing Your praise

Take this mountain weight
Take these ocean tears
Hold me through the trial
Come like hope again

Even when the fight seems lost
I'll praise You
Even when it hurts like hell
I'll praise You
Even when it makes no sense to sing
Louder then I'll sing Your praise

I will only sing Your praise
I will only sing Your praise
I will only sing Your praise

And my heart burns only for You
You are all You are all I want
And my soul waits only for You
And I will sing till the morning has come

Lord my heart burns only for You
You are all You are all I want
And my soul waits only for You
And I will sing till the miracle comes

I will only sing Your praise
I will only sing Your praise
I will only sing Your praise

Even when the morning comes
I'll praise You
Even when the fight is won
I'll praise You
Even when my time on earth is done
Louder then I'll sing your praise

I will only sing Your praise

I recently started working again.  It has been a whirlwind experience to go back when I didn't plan on going back.  To get my mind to care about work is such a big effort, and all I want is to crawl into a hole, lick my wounds, and hide from the world.

I don't know how I am getting through my days.  I'll be honest, I have no strength. I have no willpower to get myself through the day.  However, I KNOW that it is God.  Who else could get me through this? Not even myself.  No positive thinking or crap like that.  ALL OF THAT IS CRAP! There is no positivity in me right now.  I don't know if I'll ever be "positive" again.  What I do know is that GOD,  HE IS THERE.  He has showed up through my family, friends, and coworkers.  He has showed up through strangers and other mothers/parents also walking this journey.   That is what is getting me through....knowing that the God I have believed in is a solid ROCK.  He cannot be shaken.  He is holding me up, taking me through my day.

I want to give up.  I'll admit that I don't really care about my job right now.  That's really bad for me to say because I am a teacher.  I am just trying to get through my lesson without crying.  GOD has carried me through.

I am sharing this song with anyone who would here.  I am there.  I am those lyrics right now.  I am praising God with my sorrow and my tears.  Sometimes I cannot even sing because I am so choked up with sorrow for Emerie, but I know that GOD is there.  My tears are not in vain.  I'm holding on to his hope.  If I don't have God, what do I have? What is the point of life if there is no GOD? That is what I cling to nowadays, knowing that nothing else will get me through this.


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