1st Birthday, Thoughts, Reality

There are three dates that I will blog about and on in August. These three dates drastically changed my life and Brandon's in a short amount of time.

First date, today, August 4th. Emerie was born in the evening before 7pm.  She had finally come after patiently waiting for 9 full months; she was out, but things turned out not the way we wanted or planned.  This beautiful baby that we couldn't hold or stimulate was ours, but technically she was never ours.  Deep down inside, I knew she didn't belong to me, but to God her Creator. This didn't make the reality any easier as we saw that she was struggling to breathe and live on her own.

This date, of course full of sadness, also represents a beautiful day.  The day we were able to lay eyes on Emerie, touch her, see her, feel her, smell her. She was perfect in every way, a priceless moment when we laid our eyes on what my body had grown. This day will forever be a beautiful sorrowful day because we got to meet her, and she us. Birthdays are meant to be a celebration, and that is what Brandon and I will always strive to do for our precious firstborn forever baby.

We decided to try to visit a new place in her memory, today's choice was the Ark Encounter in Kentucky.  It was fantastic and I'm glad we got out and went somewhere because honestly, I probably would have been crying and in bed if I had stayed home. We also later in the day, released some balloons with messages from us and my parents. This isn't the way I imagined today going, but it was the best we could come up with for Emerie. I hope she is proud of us, and knows how much she is missed loved.

Today will forever be Emerie's special day. No matter where we live or are, we always hope to do something to remember the day she came out of the womb. Our lives forever altered. No longer about us, introducing unconditional love, and also that we control very little of most of the things in our lives, including having children.

Happy Birthday Emerie.
We love you.
We miss you.
It hurts to not have you here.
I wish I was throwing you a big party.
I know you are with Jesus.
I know you aren't in pain and healed.
Mom and Dad will always grieve your absence,
Until we meet you in heaven one day.

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