Gratitude in my Grief , My Two Gs
Just some thoughts as we pass through another Thanksgiving...
2 Thanksgiving without Emerie now...one without Elie...
2 sets of distinct grief
2 sad parents
1 little sibling on the way...
Gratitude or Thankfulness...it's the theme of the week...
It's what I have had to hold onto to keep moving forward...after you experience great loss in some form, you learn that gratitude is actually your friend, even though it would seem that it is your enemy at the time of loss.
I remember wondering last year how I could be thankful for anything after losing Emerie, and then I began forcing myself to write something down that I'm grateful for everyday. The BUJO (Bullet Journal) Community call it a "Gratitude Log" and you can design it and keep it any way you want. (Sidenote, journaling, specifically bullet journaling has been a great avenue for me to keep moving forward in a productive way. I would recommend it to anyone.) Anyways, this year has come and gone, and here we faced another thanksgiving without our children.
I didn't break down and cry, even though deep down I was crying. I found a way to smile because there are many blessings in my life, including my husband, family, and friends. I will admit, the grief monster wanted to come out and be bitter and dark, but I pushed him down because grief doesn't give me the right to be ugly to others. However, gratitude does not dismiss the grief, but it comes alongside it, allows it to lean on it, and guides grief as they begin to take steps forward. You don't forget your loss, or the person, and of course it still hurts, but gratitude allows you to keep going, knowing that you are alive still, and you must continue moving forward.
Moving forward doesn't mean forgetting, but honoring, and remembering, while continuing to live the life you were given. So many times I have questioned my purpose, and have wondered why God would allow such a big hurt in our lives...I'm not sure if he has answered, but I'm still here today, so I must take that as my clue to keep moving forward, even when it hurts.
So I wanted to take time to be extra grateful today, so here goes...
I'm grateful for...
God and Jesus...my rock and my savor...where would I be without you? Even though I have struggled in my walk since my losses, I can't deny that I always come back to you as the one constant of my life. Even when I don't understand, even when I doubt, you are there with open arms.
My husband, who continues to walk alongside me, even when it's hard with all my emotions and moods.
My family, who have continued to be supportive in my grief, even from far away.
My various friends and coworkers who have continued to walk alongside me, even if you don't understand.
My loss mom community friends, what a Godsend, even though I wish we all had our children here.
The blessing that have been Emerie and Elie...you have showed me what unconditional love looks like and feels like...you made me a mom, made us parents...nothing can take that away from us...
The third little child growing inside of me...I'm thankful for you...all the times you kick me and remind me how alive and well you are despite my anxiety and fear.
I could go on...but these are the main things that I'm grateful for on a daily basis...
Happy Thanksgiving
I hope you can find something to be grateful for everyday because ultimately it's way more than just one time a year that you should be reminded of the things you take for granted.
2 Thanksgiving without Emerie now...one without Elie...
2 sets of distinct grief
2 sad parents
1 little sibling on the way...
Gratitude or Thankfulness...it's the theme of the week...
It's what I have had to hold onto to keep moving forward...after you experience great loss in some form, you learn that gratitude is actually your friend, even though it would seem that it is your enemy at the time of loss.
I remember wondering last year how I could be thankful for anything after losing Emerie, and then I began forcing myself to write something down that I'm grateful for everyday. The BUJO (Bullet Journal) Community call it a "Gratitude Log" and you can design it and keep it any way you want. (Sidenote, journaling, specifically bullet journaling has been a great avenue for me to keep moving forward in a productive way. I would recommend it to anyone.) Anyways, this year has come and gone, and here we faced another thanksgiving without our children.
I didn't break down and cry, even though deep down I was crying. I found a way to smile because there are many blessings in my life, including my husband, family, and friends. I will admit, the grief monster wanted to come out and be bitter and dark, but I pushed him down because grief doesn't give me the right to be ugly to others. However, gratitude does not dismiss the grief, but it comes alongside it, allows it to lean on it, and guides grief as they begin to take steps forward. You don't forget your loss, or the person, and of course it still hurts, but gratitude allows you to keep going, knowing that you are alive still, and you must continue moving forward.
Moving forward doesn't mean forgetting, but honoring, and remembering, while continuing to live the life you were given. So many times I have questioned my purpose, and have wondered why God would allow such a big hurt in our lives...I'm not sure if he has answered, but I'm still here today, so I must take that as my clue to keep moving forward, even when it hurts.
So I wanted to take time to be extra grateful today, so here goes...
I'm grateful for...
God and Jesus...my rock and my savor...where would I be without you? Even though I have struggled in my walk since my losses, I can't deny that I always come back to you as the one constant of my life. Even when I don't understand, even when I doubt, you are there with open arms.
My husband, who continues to walk alongside me, even when it's hard with all my emotions and moods.
My family, who have continued to be supportive in my grief, even from far away.
My various friends and coworkers who have continued to walk alongside me, even if you don't understand.
My loss mom community friends, what a Godsend, even though I wish we all had our children here.
The blessing that have been Emerie and Elie...you have showed me what unconditional love looks like and feels like...you made me a mom, made us parents...nothing can take that away from us...
The third little child growing inside of me...I'm thankful for you...all the times you kick me and remind me how alive and well you are despite my anxiety and fear.
I could go on...but these are the main things that I'm grateful for on a daily basis...
Happy Thanksgiving
I hope you can find something to be grateful for everyday because ultimately it's way more than just one time a year that you should be reminded of the things you take for granted.
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