Raw, Transparent, Me

Our C-section date is scheduled for January 13, 2018 at 10 a.m. 12 days, 13 hours, 18 minutes. We hope to meet our 3rd child, hear her beautiful cry, see her beautiful face, snuggle her tightly. I'm terrified yet excited. 2017 was a long and hard year, full of very stretching challenges and trials. It was also full of a lot good. Isn't that always the case? Good coupled with bad? I had to learn to find gratitude everyday, and it paid off. Even though Emerie's absence was very apparent, I learned to keep moving forward. I decided to not live in denial of what my life could have been... I struggled to face things that I thought I wouldn't have to with a child, However, here I am, having done different things this year then planned. Realization for the millionth time, nothing goes as planned. A wise mother once said, this time next year it will be different. I grabbed onto that hope because honestly, some days were just plain horrible and hard. Pregnanc...

I'm a highschool teacher, which means that I am constantly around teenagers from 13-18 years old.  Now this segment of humans does not have the emotional capacity to even begin to understand what I am going through on a daily basis.  This has made for an interesting challenge while being pregnant again.  Some of them have felt comfortable to ask me certain things, and others are just minding their own business, which I realized I am more grateful for in the end.  I know I must seem so harsh to some of them or strange because I am not acting like a typical naive pregnant person. Recently this week, a student was shocked when I said I didn't want to play Xmas music in my class.  I did not realize that I myself am still not really into the holidays this year, but I'm somehow managing to not lose it constantly like last year.  I know I should be more soft towards teenagers because they are emotionally incapable of a lot at this point in their lives.  How...