The Things People Say and How They Hurt
I'm a highschool teacher, which means that I am constantly around teenagers from 13-18 years old. Now this segment of humans does not have the emotional capacity to even begin to understand what I am going through on a daily basis. This has made for an interesting challenge while being pregnant again. Some of them have felt comfortable to ask me certain things, and others are just minding their own business, which I realized I am more grateful for in the end. I know I must seem so harsh to some of them or strange because I am not acting like a typical naive pregnant person.
Recently this week, a student was shocked when I said I didn't want to play Xmas music in my class. I did not realize that I myself am still not really into the holidays this year, but I'm somehow managing to not lose it constantly like last year. I know I should be more soft towards teenagers because they are emotionally incapable of a lot at this point in their lives. However, I have realized that maybe if I actually am real with them, they might learn something, and maybe become slightly more considerate when opening their mouths.
So when this same student asked me if I hated Christmas, I was taken aback. I have never been accused of hating Xmas, especially because I am a Christian. I have not been able to let his go because it's just baffling to me, but then I started thinking, is this how a grieving person is seen? Hateful? Because we aren't into the typical/basic/commercial Xmas? And if this is the case, FINE, call me scrooge or the Grinch. I'd rather be walking around with my real emotions on display than pretending to be this superficial happy that will only last till the 25th of December. And maybe you are thinking, Jenn, calm down, it's just a teenage comment, but honestly, how many adults have felt the same and just not voiced it to my face?
The other comment that is just rubbing me raw is, "Are you excited?" when they ask me about my current pregnancy....I KNOW that in our society we run out of things to say or just say the first thing that comes to our heads...BUT really...this simple question is so insensitive to me now...and I am finding it harder and harder to know how to answer this without bursting out in emotions, or just blankly staring at the person. It sucks to be on this side of the story...it truly does. If ONLY you knew what I'm really feeling on a daily basis, then would you see that maybe asking me this question is just NOT ok. Maybe the better question would be "How are you doing?" because then I am more free to answer as of that moment.
Sidenote: Thank you for those who are excited for me. I do need that...I need you to be excited for me when I cannot be because it reminds me it is exciting even though I am constantly going from anxiety to fear to grief to joy and back again. Continue being excited, but also realize...I am not naive anymore....
So I leave you with this picture of the Grinch...accepting that maybe this is me this year and I am 100% ok with it.
Thanks for reading.
Recently this week, a student was shocked when I said I didn't want to play Xmas music in my class. I did not realize that I myself am still not really into the holidays this year, but I'm somehow managing to not lose it constantly like last year. I know I should be more soft towards teenagers because they are emotionally incapable of a lot at this point in their lives. However, I have realized that maybe if I actually am real with them, they might learn something, and maybe become slightly more considerate when opening their mouths.
So when this same student asked me if I hated Christmas, I was taken aback. I have never been accused of hating Xmas, especially because I am a Christian. I have not been able to let his go because it's just baffling to me, but then I started thinking, is this how a grieving person is seen? Hateful? Because we aren't into the typical/basic/commercial Xmas? And if this is the case, FINE, call me scrooge or the Grinch. I'd rather be walking around with my real emotions on display than pretending to be this superficial happy that will only last till the 25th of December. And maybe you are thinking, Jenn, calm down, it's just a teenage comment, but honestly, how many adults have felt the same and just not voiced it to my face?
The other comment that is just rubbing me raw is, "Are you excited?" when they ask me about my current pregnancy....I KNOW that in our society we run out of things to say or just say the first thing that comes to our heads...BUT really...this simple question is so insensitive to me now...and I am finding it harder and harder to know how to answer this without bursting out in emotions, or just blankly staring at the person. It sucks to be on this side of the story...it truly does. If ONLY you knew what I'm really feeling on a daily basis, then would you see that maybe asking me this question is just NOT ok. Maybe the better question would be "How are you doing?" because then I am more free to answer as of that moment.
Sidenote: Thank you for those who are excited for me. I do need that...I need you to be excited for me when I cannot be because it reminds me it is exciting even though I am constantly going from anxiety to fear to grief to joy and back again. Continue being excited, but also realize...I am not naive anymore....So I leave you with this picture of the Grinch...accepting that maybe this is me this year and I am 100% ok with it.
Thanks for reading.
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