The Ending of One Chapter and the Beginning of the Next

So here I am having completed the 3rd year of my teaching career, and I have decided to step away for at least a year to dedicate more time to Aria and also pursue higher education.

If you would have asked me when I was younger what my career goals were, I would have told you that I wanted to be a successful and independent woman that didn't need a man to take care of her.  I actually did not understand woman who chose not to work but stay-at home because in my mind, they were submitting to cultural norms placed on them by men.  I would say that I thought of myself as a feminist in some form, working to be just as good as a man, or better.  I also watched my grandma and mother work, and other strong woman, so working was what I was working towards as a young adult and woman. Success to me meant a good career and money to be able to live the way I wanted not depending on my husband, but working alongside him financially.

Fast forward to 2 years ago, when we had Emerie and then lost her.  Those 3 days spent in the hospital showed me that I could care less about my career because this precious little baby needed me, and I was prepared to give it all up to take care of her, health issues and all.  My world was completely rocked, turned upside down when she died.  Everything I once held dear, or valued, was broken. 

I spent that 2nd year of teaching feeling bitter because this was not what I was suppose to be doing; this was not what I had wanted.  Thankfully, that was probably the best year out of the 3 because the students and the staff really showed me how much they cared and sympathized with me.  Then we became pregnant with Aria, and that made my 3rd year of teaching a whole new journey of anxiety and stress, plus add a few more turds & parents to deal with while trying to find balance in my life.

I have now come out of the other side! I returned to work to complete the 3rd year; something in me just told me to do it...I don't know why.  I am happy that Brandon pushed me to do it also because this allowed him to stay-at-home with Aria for the past 6 weeks; that was priceless for him.  I think it's great that Aria is close to both of us and both of us feel comfortable with her on our own; this is already breaking the stigma that dads can't handle taking care of their children on their own, which is GREAT!

So during these 6 weeks, I really reflected, prayed, and talked a lot with Brandon about what would happen next year because Aria would have to go to day-care if I was going to continue working.  I don't know about you, but all those HORROR stories of daycares and just the thought of leaving her with people I don't know, scared me! I am already hyper vigilant and paranoid, and I don't believe I could have handled it.  I didn't love my job that much to leave her in daycare and that's what it came down to at decision time.

*DISCLAIMER
This choice is 100% personal.  If you choose to work a second job as a mom (because you are already working as the mom to your children), good for you! You are not less of a mother for working, WHATEVER THE REASONS! Honestly, if I had my mom in town, my choice might have been different. If you choose to stay-at-home with your children, AWESOME!  As I will soon discover, this will bring challenges of its own, and I won't be earning a paycheck for all the work.  I want to be part of the movement that says whatever choice is great! You are no more or less of a mom what ever you choose! Rant done!

So anyways, here I am, on a path I never thought I would be on BUT I am so grateful for this opportunity. I will also get the opportunity to return to school and further my Spanish knowledge and education, which I am super excited for because I LOVE TO LEARN! lol Being a public school teacher stretched me in ways that I never thought I could stretch, and I also learned so many invaluable lessons about myself and teenagers.  I also met some really great people and teachers that taught me a lot during my time there.  It was a truly a rich experience, full of good and bad, that will shape me for the years to come.

My final thoughts, I am scared that I will not be bringing in a paycheck, but excited at the new chapter in my life that will allow me to do different things.  I am open to whatever opportunity may come next for us as a family.

I will keep blogging of course,
and definitely pray for us as we adjust to this new chapter.

Much Love!
Peace and Hugs!

Thanks for reading.

-Jenn

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