Being There For Someone
So a few weeks ago I asked friends on Facebook to throw some topics out for me to blog about. It has now been 2 years & 4 months to the date since Emerie entered this world. The journey has changed and there have been many turns and unexpected things, but never-the-less the journey of grief continues because it is a journey that will only end when I get to see Emerie again.
The topic I want to talk about today is about some of the helpful or positive things that were said to me on this journey of grief that has helped me. Before I jump into that, I want to preface this by saying that I am my own person and how I grieve is different than the next person. Also, I am writing this to people who have not experienced child-loss in any way to hopefully help you if you know someone who has walked this journey, is walking this journey, or future people you might meet.
Top 5 Helpful Words/Phrases to tell someone walking through child-loss of any form (miscarriage, stillbirth, infant-loss, etc.)
1. I'm sorry you lost your child.
2. I don't understand but I am here to listen.
3. This sucks.
4. "Child Name" mattered. (Saying the child's name is so important)
5. What can I do to help? (Chores, Meals, Shopping, etc.)
*Notice that NONE of these are followed by ...
(Words/phrases that do NOT help)
1. At least...
2. They are in a better place...
3. If the person has other living children.."at least you have ..."
4. Everything happens for a reason.
5. God doesn't give you more than you can handle.
6. God needed an angel.
7. You are so strong, I don't know how you do it. ( I didn't have a FLIPPING choice.)
8. I don't understand and I never want to understand...( You think I wanted to "understand" how it felt to lose a child?)
9. Be positive...( Can I slap you? lol)
( I am seriously cringing inside just typing these.)
Sometimes, the best thing to do as a friend is to LISTEN and to not
FIX the problem because you know what? You can't fix this...I know friends/family have good intentions and they just want to cheer the person up, but guess what? You can't cheer someone up after they have lost a child. If you have children, put yourself in their shoes, how would you feel? And that's really the best thing I can say. Let the person grieve for however long they need to grieve. Oh and something else, they will probably cry randomly, get used to it because those tears represent the love they have for that child so let go of your discomfort for the time being. And one last thing, mention their child if they have a name because we who have lost love to hear their name because it reminds us that others have not forgotten them.
I hope this helps someone out there. I know that it is a complicated thing and different in every situation. Even if you have said the wrong thing, its never too late to apologize and say the right thing or just be there for the person grieving the loss of their child.
God Bless.
Till Next Time.
Merry Christmas
-Jenn
The topic I want to talk about today is about some of the helpful or positive things that were said to me on this journey of grief that has helped me. Before I jump into that, I want to preface this by saying that I am my own person and how I grieve is different than the next person. Also, I am writing this to people who have not experienced child-loss in any way to hopefully help you if you know someone who has walked this journey, is walking this journey, or future people you might meet.
Top 5 Helpful Words/Phrases to tell someone walking through child-loss of any form (miscarriage, stillbirth, infant-loss, etc.)
1. I'm sorry you lost your child.
2. I don't understand but I am here to listen.
3. This sucks.
4. "Child Name" mattered. (Saying the child's name is so important)
5. What can I do to help? (Chores, Meals, Shopping, etc.)
*Notice that NONE of these are followed by ...
(Words/phrases that do NOT help)
1. At least...
2. They are in a better place...
3. If the person has other living children.."at least you have ..."
4. Everything happens for a reason.
5. God doesn't give you more than you can handle.
6. God needed an angel.
7. You are so strong, I don't know how you do it. ( I didn't have a FLIPPING choice.)
8. I don't understand and I never want to understand...( You think I wanted to "understand" how it felt to lose a child?)
9. Be positive...( Can I slap you? lol)
( I am seriously cringing inside just typing these.)
Sometimes, the best thing to do as a friend is to LISTEN and to not
FIX the problem because you know what? You can't fix this...I know friends/family have good intentions and they just want to cheer the person up, but guess what? You can't cheer someone up after they have lost a child. If you have children, put yourself in their shoes, how would you feel? And that's really the best thing I can say. Let the person grieve for however long they need to grieve. Oh and something else, they will probably cry randomly, get used to it because those tears represent the love they have for that child so let go of your discomfort for the time being. And one last thing, mention their child if they have a name because we who have lost love to hear their name because it reminds us that others have not forgotten them.
I hope this helps someone out there. I know that it is a complicated thing and different in every situation. Even if you have said the wrong thing, its never too late to apologize and say the right thing or just be there for the person grieving the loss of their child.
God Bless.
Till Next Time.
Merry Christmas
-Jenn
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| Emerie's Tree at her grave. |
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