"Why?" A poem written on 3-19-19

3-19-19

I don't know the rules about poetry but I decided to write my thoughts down differently today. Thanks for reading. I promise I'm not always so dark, but tonight and this past week I've been pondering and that leads to this stupid question that forever haunts me.

The infamous question.
It never goes away.
There is no answer.
How can three little words cause so much doubt?
I didn't know that letters had the power to turn my world upside down.
Why?
Why Emerie?
Why us?
Why God?
Why didn't you heal her?
Why didn't you save her?
Why didn't you answer our prayers?
Why did she have to die?
Why couldn't I have known?
Why God?
Why?!!?

Silence.
Nothing.
No answer.
How can three little letters cause so much anguish?
I didn't know one could live life not ever knowing why.

The question that leads to more questions;
The question that keeps on asking;
Please stop asking, I tell myself.
But I don't listen.

Comparison shoves those three letters back in my face.
Never ending,
Never stopping.

Why?
Why Emerie?
Why us?
Why God?
Why....

Time does silence it.
Don't believe the lies.
Accept I must,
Or go crazy not ever knowing.

Accept.
Accept.
Accept.

Silence...for now.
Until the next trigger.


4-20-19

When I think of the question/word "Why" I always remember Job.  I read the whole book of Job early on after losing Emerie and will never forget how God NEVER answered him because God doesn't do what we say, he is God Almighty.  Does that make it any easier? No lol I mean in my mind I know that I cannot know everything, but dang tell that to my broken heart that misses Emerie EVERYDAY.  Will it get easier to accept the no answer...maybe...over time.  But what I want to say is that just because I ask why doesn't make me less of a Christian.  It doesn't mean that I don't have faith.  I think God is letting me ask, and He can handle it.  I just want someone to know that you are not a bad Christian for asking or even doubting at times!  That's the ongoing battle of practicing our faith, it's not easy as some portray it to be!  I'll be honest, I've been rather discouraged with the Christian world because they keep shaming people struggling with anxiety, worry, or doubt, instead of trying to understand them and meet them where they are!  It's called EMPATHY people!

"Empathy: the ability to understand and share the feelings of another."

vs.

"Sympathy: feelings of pity and sorrow for someone else's misfortune."

Rant over.
God Bless.
Until next time.

-Jenn





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